Title: The Terrible
Author: Yrsa Daley-Ward
Genre: Autobiography, memoir, poetry
Publisher: Penguin Random House
Publication Date: 2018
Format: Paperback
Length: 208

Read if you like: Poetry, coming-of-age stories, diverse representation and experiences

Rating:

I’ve enjoyed Yrsa Daley-Ward’s poetry in the past, so her memoir, written in the same poetic fashion that she’s known for, has been on my TBR for years. I finally picked it up this month and it was a quick and moving read.

Daley-Ward tells a chillingly honest story of growing up in the UK as a part-Nigerian, part-Jamaican girl in the mostly white suburbs. She recalls her experiences with the adults around her, with religion, with the other kids she was raised alongside, and with her own body, and as she goes through the events and the impacts they had on her, I found my heart feeling increasingly constricted as you grasp how wholly the adults in her life failed her.

What I love about poetry is the way it leaves you feeling. The way it makes you reflect on experiences and emotions, the way it leaves an impression on you, and Daley-Ward is a master at evoking feelings in her readers. This was a quick but thoroughly engrossing read that left me wanting to go back and revisit her other works just to relive the experience of her writing again.

The Book: The Terrible by Yrsa Daley-Ward

In The Terrible, Daley-Ward explores the various influences on her life in a poetic recitation of events and feelings that began in her childhood. She explores her relationship with her mother, her brother, her absent father, and her grandparents. She then expands more into her adolescence and adulthood, branching into the relationships she holds with friends, extended family, lovers, and employers. Perhaps the most important relationship explored though is the one she has with herself, which is so evidently shaped by her experiences with the world and with others.

Throughout the book, we readers see Daley-Ward move through life trying to find a purpose, a way to escape the trappings of her surroundings and her choices. We see her attempting to establish her independence and build a life for herself through the only means she has available. Towards the end, we even get to see her entry into slam poetry, and how she arrives at what will become a pivotal career move for her, but all of the events are wrapped up in the emotional turmoil and personal struggle she’s feeling as she makes her way through an eating disorder (it seems), battles with addiction, the sex industry, and depression. This combination of consequential events and emotional impacts makes for a story with a lot of feeling and a reflective tone that’s so immersive that once I picked up the book, I couldn’t put it down until I was finished.

The Review

Daley-Ward writes in an achingly beautiful way that evokes so much emotion that the writing itself is an experience. I’ve always found her poetry to be moving, and using the same methods to tell the story of her life was such a fitting way of approaching her memoir. I was immediately immersed in the content.

It was challenging to witness the struggle that Daley-Ward went through, particularly in the failure of the adults around her. She presents them in ways that ensure you understand why the adults around her act as they do, while simultaneously demonstrating the impact that they have on an impressionable young girl struggling to determine who she is, what she’s worth, and who she’s supposed to be. Every time you see one fail her, whether it’s in the words they choose to use, their attitudes towards her body, or their inability to recognize dangerous patterns and behaviours when they begin to emerge, your heart breaks for her lack of real support. You just want someone to be truly there for her even if they’re trying with however they believe they’re capable.

I also felt like her struggle with depression was authentically depicted. Her younger years when it began to emerge were particularly resonant, as she struggles to articulate her feelings to those around her. It’s such a difficult illness to navigate when you understand what it is and have all of the information, let alone when you don’t and can’t determine why it is that you’re feeling the way that you’re feeling. Watching her navigate it alongside each stage of her life was both challenging and resonant.

One of the highlights of the book for me was seeing Daley-Ward’s relationship with her brother Roo and how that love manifested and evolved. We don’t see the same emotional turmoil play out in first person perspective with Roo, but we see how similar actions and events impact him in different yet similar ways. We see Roo’s potential, where his life could be headed with the right support (the same as Yrsa) before he too finds challenges. The undercurrent of love she has for him though never fades, and their reunion in the end is such a fitting and gorgeous tale with a dash of hope.

I loved how this story was composed. Daley-Ward’s writing is always gorgeous and it lent itself well to this memoir-style format. This was a super quick read, coming in at just over 200 pages, but felt like an immersive experience. If you’re a fan of poetry, or of gut-wrenching honesty and emotional writing, then I’d recommend this memoir. It was a lovely break from the heavy fantasy I’ve been reading lately and a book I may revisit in the future.